I Need An Angel

Dear Diary,

I need a heavenly angel..

Today I have my enrollment for the new semester. This will be my third thesis topic after the last two: environmental communication, intercultural communication and this time I’ll be writing external communication.
I have submitted my thesis proposal to the dean’s office after revising the structure.

This time I would like to thank some friends who have been supporting me to stand up once again, to work on my thesis again after skipping two previous semesters (semester 9-10). So, now I officially enroll for the 11th semester, since the university changed the curriculum calendar for this academic year into three semesters per year, which is to me so accelerative for the students, not all, only for business and communication faculties, as far as I am concerned.

First, for my very good friend since the early days in this university, Nurdin Bashori Afhami, though he is now far away in another city, his constant and spiritual – religious supports are always with me. He sent me messages few days ago. On 27 April to be exact. He said, “self motivation, ultimate medicine, kemurahan dan kasih sayang Allah.” He said that he was in a training with donators and orphans at the main hall of Indosat in Surabaya. He also wished me luck for my thesis. I felt so touched with his message.

He also sent me another long message, to give me more mental and psychological supports. What he said was in Indonesian, but let me paraphrase. “There are many people who fail because they don’t realize how close they are with the success point, look for opportunities to see and look for ways to get it.” “USE THE POWER OF HOPE! There are many people who fail because they lose their motivation, but many people who succeed because they are clever in using their power of motivation. HOPE, HARAPAN or ROJAA’ is also taught in ISLAM,” that was what he said to me; which is very motivating and I could simply agree on it.
Thank you for your motivational messages. You can find him in my Friendster’s friend list.

Another friend is Intan Pratiwi Darmawanti. I informed her when my first writing was published on the Jakarta Post on 24 February ago. I was there carrying the name of my university, as a very senior student. I also informed that to some university’s faculty members and people in the foundation. Anyway, she was very happy with my writing and she also posted a comment on my writing that I personally publish on my weblog. She said that before I started writing anything, I should finish my thesis, as my first priority. She also wanted to hear from me when I have finished my thesis later. Her family also sent regards to me and she also wished me luck. She is the best girl-friend I ever had during my university time and, I think, she will always be. Thank you for your endless supports and your presence when others left me.

Another good friend that I just realized that we could make very good friends is Khatrine Sari Dewi. She worked for IMX with Wimar Witoelar before she decided to work in the university, in the dean of communication office. She’s been there for me. She supports me always. She reminds me to finish my thesis through text messages, emails, calls and also when we meet in person. Her supports are really unconditional to me and I am sincerely thankful to her for being such a great supporter for my thesis. Thanks Khat! She was also very helpful today in campus when I really got big difficulties with the new enrollment procedures, system and staffs.

I was so annoyed with the new procedures. It is good when they are ready with it otherwise that will be big disaster and will disadvantage the students. But, that it was, I couldn’t do much and I went home and took a short nap to calm down my nerves. Thank you for being there with me. I am always thankful everyday for your presence, though sometimes she is also busy with her jobs, she, well I could see, reluctantly listened to me. Thanks anyway and sorry for bothering you most of the time. It’s just because I feel comfortable to be with you and talk to you. I just realized it. She was very sensitive student, now she has changed a lot. You can also find her blog on my friends’ links on this blog.

I also want to thank my ‘UNESCO Club’ friends: Ira Lathief, Leo Mokodompit and Jasmine Sagita. Thank you for being with me so far. I believe that one day we can make it together. Keep up our good work and our fight for our future!

God, I know that I have been away for so long, but You know that my heart is always with You. I will try hard to get back to You, Your love and blessings. I just want simply to finish my thesis, no matter what and no matter how. Please give me Your strength in me to face whatever happens in front of me.

I do need Your guidance and Your assistance, I also need an angel. Please send me angel down right now to hold my hands, to show me the right path to walk, to guide me and to assist me. I am lost now.. I am walking without direction and the wind could easily blow me here and there and make me go nowhere but here..

I know that I have some friends who could accompany and support me but they can’t be with me always, they can’t always be around, but You, You can be with me always, to keep me from going off track. Send me an angel to me, to be with me..

God, please give me a sign when an angel has come down to me..

I also want to share this song with you; I need an angel by Ruben Studdard,

I’ve run out of answers
I’ve run out of time
And I’m so confused that I’m losing my mind
It’s gonna take a miracle to help me this time
I’m traveling a road that has not one sign

Help me…
Have mercy on me…
Set my soul free…
And let the bell in my heart ring…oooh
This is my cry, hey, this is my plea, ya see

I need an angel
I’m calling an angel
Send me an angel down

I’m carrying a load that’s too heavy for me
Have no where to go so I’m down on my knee
I’m trying to see the forest but there’s this one tree
Can’t understand why I’m sinking so deep

Help me (Help me Help me)
Have mercy on me (Won’t you have mercy on me)
Set my soul free, and let the bell in my heart ring
This is my cry, this is my plea

I need an angel (I need an angel)
I’m calling an angel, send me an angel (Send it on down)

Here me now

I need an angel (I need an angel)
I’m calling an angel, send me an angel (Send it on down)

Oooh something inside me
Telling me the morning will come (Morning will come)
Yes it will
Oooh sometimes it’s hard to face the truth so we run (We run)
God if you care at all
Please don’t let me fall by the wayside (Oh no)

Please be my guide, would you light my path…
Take me , Shape me, Mold me, Change me, Teach me, Fill me, Save me

I need an angel (I need an angel)
I’m calling an angel, send me an angel (Send it on down)
I need an angel (I need an angel)
I’m calling an angel, send me an angel (Send it on down)

I know it’s gotta be some kinda
Angel out there for me
Send an angel down right now
Send an angel down right now

Wicker Life

I have been going too far, this time; though there is no regret, I eventually realized that I have to stop all of these carelessness and stupidity.

Get back to it again later…

I also want to my happy 55th birthday to my late mom, on 30 April ago. I know it’s so late but I just get the time now. I have been busy; well, I have been away for sometimes. I am so sorry mom. But, you know that I was praying for you on your birthday last Wednesday. I have been thinking a lot about you a lot lately, that you gave me the most unconditional love ever in this life. Not anyone else, and no one ca ever take your place. I am missing you a lot. I am always praying to Allah to give you the best place next to Him, so that you can always see me and remind me when I go wrong.

I have been searching for your love in any other thousands of loves but still, your unconditional love to me is irreplaceable. I am now in the quest of pursuit of happiness since you left but I haven’t succeeded yet. But, I’ll keep trying somehow, with your heavenly assistance and endless love.

Till I come up with this conception, that if we are looking for miracles we have to be that miracles for others. Another belief is that everyone of us has angels who will be helping us deal with life’s problems but we have to find those angels. The angels can be anyone around us, can be anyone that we never knew and met before, anyone who sincerely extends their hands to us when we need them; to stand up in this life, not to give up, not to give in; we don’t surrender, we have to fight to find what is truth to our hearts. Moreover, those angels can be ourselves. These are the best and the closest angels that will come to us anytime we need them. So, remember that we are angel to anyone. Thus, if we want to look an angle, look for it inside us first.

That’s what I think.

Let’s get back to my unfinished business…

I have been doing stupid things in the last five months, which I shouldn’t have done to a person who really loves me. One who always cares for me on a different way, from unique point of view; One who deserves my love in return, one who deserves not to be cheated on; One who has been supporting me this far; One who extends hands when I fall and helps me stand up to live my whole new life again.

I am weaving one piece to another piece of my life, to be a real good story that I can be proud of one day; story that people will always remember. I have taken wrong ways and now I have to be responsible for myself to get back to the right path. I know it’s hard to get back, but I really have to try. Otherwise, I will just end up my life like any other ordinary stories.

Another point of view that I have created is that it is ourselves that can change and decide what we want to do and what we want to be in this life. We can be a very simple person; we don’t have to do outstanding things or actions that give contributions to other people. We can be a very closed person to anyone; we do things for ourselves, for our own happiness, not others’. Then we will be easily forgettable. We are here on earth to be responsible for easy-but-not-easy obligations. We do our best; we give people what we have, to the utmost level of advantages, so that others can pass that on to others.

On the other hand, if we want to be ‘somebody,’ then we have to struggle. Understand and identify what we know or can do best; maintain, improve and develop them and share them with others; our knowledge and our skills. Be the best on what we can do best. Share the most fragrant smells to others as a person, so others can smell how fragrant we are.

The most important thing is to follow our hearts, listen to what it says; our intuition, with the best intention.
I have been thinking which one I really want: intelligence, money or power; then a friend once asked but don’t forget about responsibility and morale obligation. And I added the most valuable element: ‘love.’ So, whatever we want to be: smart, rich or powerful don’t forget to always bring along these three elements: responsibility, morale obligation and love.

Open up ourselves; bring them to the way to want to be. Release them, let them grow and show the magic of life, the magic of inner power. To show the world how powerful we are, to tell the world that we can change it with what we have inside us. Don’t let others underestimate us and don’t let others intimidate us. We have the power to let them know and tell them that we are not like what they think we are like.

Others, sometimes don’t know what they are talking about, they don’t understand how important it is to understand others, to respect others and not to be hypocritical. If others just can’t change, show them what we are doing is just right. We are not only just talking, but we are also walking what we are talking, which make it the loudest thing we can show. This is the combination of both that make us special people: we talk the walk and walk the talk.

What a wicker of life; when we have to put things in order to be a complete formation of the whole picture of our own life. Just be thankful for now that we are alive, that we are still given another chance to be a better person, and to make our lives improved. Just go on and again, follow your heart, give it time to say something.

Again, happy birthday mom! May your next journey of life give me guidance to live my life. Thank you and I love you…